an another awe ha moment

Have you ever been in the middle of a trial and gone to church and every lesson, every talk, every-everything geared to what you needed to hear? It may not be what you wanted to hear but it all seemed to be spoken just for you as if the Lord was there saying, "just get this through your thick skull will ya!" Well maybe the Lord wouldn't phrase it that way exactly, but you get it right?
Well today I was given my own mini revelation; I guess you could call it. I stripped down a tiny bit of my pride before I went to church and told myself I am not going to cry (I still did) and I am going to listen, really listen to the messages today. For all of "Mormons" it was testimony meeting and every person who shared their testimony shared feeling that I have felt or just messages I needed to hear. Likethis example, faith is an action word and a choice. We need to choose to have faith and act on that choice. I have not been choosing faith and I have not been acting very faithfully. Then in Sunday school our whole lesson was on receiving personal revelation and how we have our own obligations and ways of living that we need to be prepared for it. Well my life and actions hare not in line with the Lords for that daily guidance. Then in relief society the lesson was all about finding joy based on a general conference talk given by Elder Worthlin, called Come what may, and love it. We discussed that every trial is for us to go through the refining fire to shape us. Also that every trial is accompnied by or followed after by out pouring of blessings. Well I don't want the refiners fire it is too hard. but then as if hit in the head witha brick, a thought hit me very hard.... If you just do it your trial will go away and your blessing will be to have a relationship with the savior you have never had and have always wanted. The just do it is the hardest part. I have known this answer for about a year now but it is the doing that is hard. Fear, pride, and change of attitude hold me back. As much as I hate these attributes of myself, I love them so much I can't let them go. But this nagging feeling isn't going away that I will not have joy or hope in my life until I vanquish those three things. I guess my first step is to gain my desire to have faith.