positive attitude

After attending a church meeting last night, I found myself pondering my status of spirituality. I realized that my heart wants to do what it right and the desire is there; but in the moment instinct or my impulse of action seems to be contrary to the way I really want to live my life. I find that I desire the Lord to show me mercy and grace but am not so willing to extend those same qualities to those closest to me. Why is it so hard for me to see the good in those I love but see it in others?

I have to tell you of an experience that I had at swim lessons last week. I was watching a lady watching her kids. She was smiling and excited over every little accomplishment that her children were making. This same lady greeted each of her 4 children ages 4-10 at the poolside with wet hugs and smiles. I thought wow that lady sure is a good mom. Me, on the other hand, was yelling "would you just get out of the pool I have got things to do!!!"

The next day I sat by this lady again. I heard her talking with another lady. My ears perked up at the word "autistic". So I butted into the conversation. I learned that ALL 4 of her children were autistic. All about like D. A couple a bit more severe. She asked me about D. without me even mentioning him. (Can we say Observant) She said that public school didn't really work for her kids and she said that she decided to home school all of them. I for one could never home school even if I had all perfect angel children. But the part of the conversation that hit me the hardest was when she said even though they have their hard moments don't you just think that your life is more joyful and full because of these special children? WOW! I usually only see the negative in life. I have had a negative sonar build in since birth I think. I have always found it hard to point out the good in my life. and besides I love to complain. Anyway...My first thought was, hard moments??? Don't you mean hard every moment of the day. I realized that if I thought about it yes I have had joy in my life because of D. and my other children. But I really learned a lesson from that lady. Your life is what you make it. You see what you choose to see. How do I now change 30+ years of relying on my negative sonar to guide my life?

I guess the answer comes form the meeting last night. Rely on the Lord, and His merits of the Atonement and try to resist the temptation of negativity. Can we say HARD! Yes we can. I am thankful for my knowledge of the Savior and how that knowledge can buoy me and save me.