emotional blah blah blah

If sappy sentimental is not your thing do not read any farther. Saturday, we went Christmas toy shopping. Not for our kids. We took the kids shopping for toys for tots and other various good causes. When we were finished we spent more than we did on all of our kids put together. We bought way cooler toys than we did for our own kids. We even told them this and they didn't seem angry or think it was unfair. No one once said but can I get this or that. Not once did they say I wish I could have one of these. It was such a wonderful day. Santa even made a visit to the store while we were there and we give him a visit. I was so impressed that my children all only asked for one small minor toy. They weren't even reminded to not be greedy. I thought could this be my kids? Lately we have been reminding our kids over and over how much we have been blessed with and it is great that daddy has job security and a steady paycheck and blessed with enough extra that we can help others have a better Christmas. they know that times are hard for many people. Our kids won't have many packages under the tree but I hope that they are more fulfilled with the joy they will bring to others as they so carefully chose gifts for strangers.
In the car ride home B. asked the children what they had told Santa they wanted for Christmas and J. had the best answer of all it went like this:
Dad: what did you ask for?
J.: Geotrax!!! (arms in the air, giant smile, very raised voice)
Dad: what kind of geotrax?
J. :Any (same reaction)
Dad: Even if it was just one small brown section of track and no trains?
J.: Yep because then I could go that little bit farther! (still smiling BIG)

I thought I wish I was just like him. He is so easily pleased. I was so proud of him. He is such a genuine little guy. I hope that when I grow up I can be just like him. I also hope that he will be able to keep that innocence and attitude as he does grow up.
sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the thought of how lucky I am the Heavenly Father has placed these sweet angels in my care. I worry so much about ruining them. I take their sweet spirits for granted and what special gifts they are to our family. I feel guilty a lot of times when I don't feel like I measure up to the mom they deserve. But I keep trying. I have been wishing the year away and saying next year I will be a better mom...next year I will do more for others... next year, next year, next year... A friend of mine was telling me about how she was doing the same thing, but decided that she needed to enjoy the journey now. It was a big eye opener for me. I may not have time to be super mom this year as I made myself too busy but, I can make super mom moments and let my kids know they are important and special and loved. It doesn't take that long to share a moment with each of them and try to be more kind in heated moments. I truly love my family.